Perfectionism or High Standards?
Where useful ambition becomes paralysing — described by behaviour, because the two look identical from outside until you watch what happens after a mistake.
High standards and perfectionism look identical while things go well and separate at the first mistake — one recovers and continues, the other stops — which makes watching a single recovery more informative than any list of traits.
Perfectionism or High Standards?
Frequently asked
Is perfectionism always a problem?
No. Striving for high standards is associated with good outcomes; the concern is the self-critical form where mistakes are experienced as evidence of personal failure. The behaviours to watch are avoidance and distress, not ambition.
What helps most?
Adults visibly making mistakes and carrying on, and one activity where the child is a beginner and expected to stay bad at it. Both work better than reassurance, which a perfectionist child tends to discount.
Should I stop praising achievement?
Not entirely — praising process and effort alongside results is what is usually recommended. What does damage is praise that is only ever for outcomes, because it teaches that the outcome is what is being valued.
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